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CHORUS

A lion is frisky, a leopard is fun,

But to keep up with them you may have to run.

You'll be liked by the fleas at the flea-market stall,

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

A hippo is funny but take care if underneath,

A pirhana is pleasant but watch out for his teeth.

Get a rodent, they can be found in the mall,

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

You tail-lifting buggers from Ramtop or plain

If you take my advice you will save yourself pain

When the base urges strike you it's best to recall

That the hedgehog can never be buggered at all

CHORUS

Your hedgehog's a handful and cute as a bun

You'd think he'd be perfect for animal fun

But hatpin-like pubic hairs prove to us all

That the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

You can top a giraffe if you stand on a stool

Though a Jack Russell might make you look like a fool

But the fact still remains that if you want to ball

The hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

You can hump a baboon if it doesn't hump you

And a wildebeest's really got something quite gnu

Carouse with a louse if your weenie is small

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

It's hard with a crab 'cause its bum's watertight

The best way is sideways, then twist to the right

If you screw one, be thankful as shorewards you crawl

For the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

-------------------------------------------------

This is the alt.fan.pratchett version of the Hedgehog Song. The

original version was thought up by Matthew Crosby, and has since

then been streamlined and expanded by readers of the newsgroup.

If you have any suggestions for improvements or additional verses,

please feel free to post them to alt.fan.pratchett, or mail them

to Matthew Crosby ([email protected]) or Leo Breebaart

([email protected]).

Note from Matthew: "BTW, I know the giraffe verse in the book is

`if you stand on a stool', but this doesn't really rhyme. I've

tried to insert all the other scraps Pterry has given us... if I

missed any, let me know."